I'm just tired, looking at the same wall, staring at the same
Message I sent several hours ago that you have yet to
Even read, I'm starting to wonder if you're tired of me.
I have these things called feelings, just because most men don't
Show them doesn't mean I won't, I'm not most men, I'm one man.
And yet, this dance we dance, the path we weave seems to
Become ever so tangled, I can't just go back and fix
The place where it all went wrong because I'm not sure
Where it did. So if we were fine, why do I feel like every
Word you speak to me is forced, force may not be the word,
More like a complete strain on your inner being, I didn't know I made
You feel like that, but that's what you spew out at me,
It's all relative. You see, I never got tired of writing you love letters,
But you got tired of reading them. I never got tired of professing
My love, but you got tired of so much. I never got tired of
Hearing your voice on the phone, but you got tired of hearing mine.
I never got tired of planning our future, but you got tired of
Planning the future, I see, the future is a thing you loved,
Only without me. I never got tired of seeing your face,
But mine disgusted you, I never got tired of fantasizing,
But you got tired of the fantasies, I never got tired of being there
For you, but you got tired of me being there, I never.
I must annoy you, like a fly in your ear, buzzing around
Thinking we could live happily together in the same world, while
You silently plot my demise, crooked smiles like
Crooked lies, I should have known you despised my presence.
I feel like a burden, a shadow in the corner of your life
That never saw enough light to feel alive, maybe it's the timing.
But I've lost my faith, I got tired of writing you love letters,
So I don't write them. I got tired of professing a love
Not received, so I stopped loving. I got tired of not hearing
Your voice, so I don't even wait for your call. I got
Tired of planning our future, so I forgot what the future was.
I got tired of showing you my disgusting face, so I hide
It behind walls of black. I got tired of fantasizing about you,
So I gouged my memory. I got tired of my presence being
So despised, so I disappeared from your existence.
Now, I'm just tired.
~ Kai Alexander Means
