The Art of Letting Go

I never really wanted to be in this position,
I mean, sure I made my mistakes, pressured you
Too hard for your comfort, made you lose all trust in
Me, made you feel I am worthless, worth less than
A bag of Skittles, I never wanted to push you
Away, so how come I did? I must be losing you all
Together, completely, I watch you slip just out of reach
And I can't grab you, even if it were a fingertip,
I would at least know I still meant something to you.
But I watch you fall, fingers disappear, you
Held on until you had to give up, life reached up and
Pulled you down with it, you were so strong,
I'm sorry I couldn't be your savior, your Superman,
You were my Kryptonite. With tears in my eyes,
I watched as you fell out of love with me, as quickly
As you came, you left. I guess I should be happy,
After all, when you love someone as much as I do,
There comes a time when you have to push them off the edge,
Let them discover all the things you can't give them,
But I really thought I could give you the world,
I at least wanted to try, but I broke you. I broke your heart,
Your mind, your soul, I was not the one you fell in love
With, it was just my words you liked, we meshed in
Complete symmetry, I treated you like the queen you were
And you longed for that recognition, until I fell too deep.
I started bludgeoning you with thoughts, my worries
Were knives, my insecurities bullets, it's quite amazing
You survived it all. I always knew you were special,
But maybe I knew too much. And then life reached up,
Destined to take you with it, you hung on to the ledge and I,
I just stepped on your fingers, not on purpose, I just
Can't stop my own clumsiness sometimes, I am always my worst
Enemy. You fell. And I watched. And I saw someone else
Reach up and grab you just in time, I'm glad you're
Alive, but still, I wanted to be your Superman, but I was
Your Kryptonite. Have you ever stood on top a bridge and looked
Around? You see your life ending there, until you climb down.
I had to make the decision to see you happy and smile, stop
Being selfish for once and be selfless, give yourself, your
Heart to someone else, and even though I'm already
Dead, I live. And I turn around, stop for just a second to watch them
Brush the dirt off you, watch you smile and walk away,
Drop my heart as you left, I knew it was inevitable.
I had to smile, I couldn't afford to frown, turn around and see
The distance I have to walk to just reach Okay, I've got
Quite a journey, so I must start on my way.
I'm sorry.

~ Kai Alexander Means

Sunflower

She lived her life in silence, her body bathed in sorrows
While her mind was dipped in regrets, of the future,
The past and the ever so deadly present. She slept with
An eye open to the world, watching her back
For she was afraid of betrayal before sun rise, a lack of something
To believe in, so she refused to believe in the impossible
Thing called happiness, she couldn't be happy today.
She took her first steps outside, it seemed the leaves fell on her
Heart, a perennial weight pushing on her chest until she could no
Longer breathe, the trees shaded her anguish, the sun
Shined for the very last time through leaves of gray, this was
Not what she imagined her life to be, inevitable doesn't
Make it hurt less. Laughter, I know she heard it, not
A new sound but a forgotten one, how beautiful it was.
She looked up to a sight of unimaginable proportions,
A sunflower in full bloom, amidst a world so dark, it shines so bright.
And she stares and wonders how it's possible for a
Creature to overcome death in exchange for the most extraordinary
Of lives. And she can breathe again. The world once told her
That to find yourself is to find something like yourself,
A survivor of the madness, and study it, for the battle you
Fight now is the same battle it has overcome, so
She studied this sunflower, let it sway in the wind
Like a wind chime, touched it as if it were delicate matter,
She stared and it stared back through her sadness
And to her soul, and she knew. She smiled. And she
Could finally breathe in, she stood up and found
Herself in the darkness, lit up by a ray of life,
Nothing would ever be the same, but better.
Stumbling out of a black and white pit, she found color
In a rainbow, sometimes finding yourself is worth
The pain to get there, and she knew she would be okay.

~Kai Alexander Means