Quest For 100

I'm on a quest for 100.
I met you 100 days ago, and now
I want to spend 100 years with you.
100 memories formed by the 100th day,
I have seen 100 smiles. Wiped 100 tears
From your face with my hand. 100 touches
To let you know how I feel, where we stand.
100 words like 100 shots in the dark at the
Temple of Love. 100 guilty conscious thoughts.
100 times when I could've been by your side,
100 apologies given for the wrongs I have done.
100 times I held your hand, played with your hair.
100 kisses to your lips, 100 hugs to make you feel safe.
100 days I blew me off my friends to be with my girl.
100 nights turned into 100 dates to let you know that
I love you, 100 times I pushed you on the swing, watched
You sway back and forth, laughing 100 times like 100 school girls.
100 movies we've watched together, 100 times I told you that we will
Have a relationship like that, 100 years from now. And 100 years more.
I'm not the perfect man, but I can prove to you 100 times that I can be
100 times the man that you need, wants 100 times satisfied.
100 degrees of love, 100 near misses, 100 flowers, 100 kisses.
I'll marry you 100 times if it means you're mine 100 times.
100 days will turn into 100 years. And in 100 years, I will
Love you 100 times. A quest for 100 loves, in 1 person.

~Kai Alexander Means

Love As Medicine ~ For a Friend

Have you ever looked at someone and wondered,
How are they still standing? The life they live leads
Most to death, but not them. Only the strong survive,
And you are one hell of a fighter. Since I met her, I
Wanted to know what she was all about. But once
I knew, I wish I didn't. The pain hidden behind her
Smile was so immense, even I couldn't take it away.
But that wouldn't keep me from trying.

The harder I tried, the more I knew.
The more I knew, the harder I tried.
The more we talked, the closer we got.
And suddenly, she's more than a friend.
I know her secrets, she knows my story.
And I know her pain goes deeper than
My words can heal. And her actions are
More dangerous than my words can stop.
But I refuse to leave her.

And she has hit rock bottom, but
I hit it with her. The tears flow
Like an ocean, so I cry with her.
And she's mad at the world, so
I'm mad with her. Who said you
You couldn't be there for someone?
And yet, we still drift apart.
But I refuse to leave her.

And now here we are.
And now she's happier
Than ever. And now she
Has what she needs.
And now I'm so proud of her.
To see her so happy, makes me
Happy. And to see her smile makes
Me smile. And distance keeps us apart
But friendship may keep us together.
And to see her change, one extreme
To the other. Weak to strong.
Sad to happy. Rock bottom to
No gravity. And I love her.
She was cured of her illness,
With love as her medicine.
And even though we barely talk,
I still refuse to leave her.

~Kai Alexander Means

Russian Roulette

Let's play a game.
This isn't heads or tails,
This is live or die.
Take the metal,
Spin the barrel,
Pull the trigger.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You never had the chance to say no.
You never had a choice, you either
Lived, or you died.
Now it's too late. Too late
To respond to those missed calls.
Too late to forgive someone for
The wrong they did against you.
You weren't even mad, just stubborn.
Too late to tell her you love her.
Too late to think of the value of your life.
What if you were meant to die?
Why did they choose you? What have
You done to deserve to die?
This can't be happening right now?
It's your turn. Close your eyes.
Take a deep breath, count to three.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Let's play a game.
This isn't heads or tails,
This is live or die.
Take the cold, heavy metal,
Spin the barrel, once, twice,
Think. Pull the trigger.
You lose.

~ Kai Alexander Means

Monster

I was a man before I was a monster.
I remember when we were happy.
I gave you the best years of my life.
And we, we were happy. What happened?
I was a man before I was a monster.
And then came the fights.
We were determined to ruin each other.
You started working later.
Was it to get away from me?
I was a man before I was a monster.
I came home early.
I had no idea what I was about to get into.
And I walk in on this? Another man taking what's mine.
The straw that broke the camel's back.
I was a man, now I'm a monster.
I had to exact my revenge. Hard.
With one swing to the head.
What have I done?
Is he? Now he can't be dead.
I was a man, now I'm a monster.
I popped another can to calm my nerves.
And I poured some out over his convulsing body.
"9-1-1, what's your emergency?"
"I think you should come over here."
I was a man, I am a monster.
"What's wrong?"
"I killed him."
"Killed who?"
"She cheated on me. So I killed him."
I was a man, I am a monster.
They take me out in handcuffs.
Why so sad? You caused this.
Are you crying because you loved him?
Or are you scared to me?
If I can't have you, he couldn't.
And I look at you and smile, then laugh.
"Don't worry, you're next."
I am a monster.

~ Kai Alexander Means

I Know

Past
So, I met her in class.
I didn't care enough to ask
Her name, quite frankly.
I was too busy worrying about me,
I didn't try to know her.
But, as time went on, she smiled.
Oh, I liked her smile. Then she laughed.
Oh, I liked her laugh. Then she talked.
Oh, I loved the sound of her voice.
Now, see now, I want to know her name.

Present
Now, see now, I know her name.
She never cared about me,
I wish I never met her.
I wish I never saw her smile,
Heard her laugh, heard her speak.
I can't rewind my mistakes. The problem
Is I fell in love with her. But how
Can you be in love with the past?
Now, see now, we don't speak,
Just a friendly wave, if I'm lucky.
I liked her smile, I don't see it.
I liked her laugh, I don't hear it.
I loved her voice, but now, see now,
I don't remember the sound.

Future
Now, see now, I'm successful.
Business is amazing, family is better.
What can I say, I'm a doctor,
I fix their problems, forget about mine.
Now, see now, I don't think about you.
In fact, I don't remember your name.
I've long forgotten that smile.
I can't remember that laugh, and
That voice, that voice, is the same as
Every other I hear. There is no love there.
But now, see now, I get stopped in my tracks.
Walking with friends, I think I recognize something
I barely remember. I think I know that smile.
I remember that laugh. And that voice, yes that voice,
Is oddly warming. Wait, is that you? With a heavy body
At 32? With your four kids, two baby daddies,
And rent a month past due?
Hmm, I know.

~ Kai Alexander Means

Graduation

For four years...
For four years we've walked
Those same halls. We've seen
The same people and spoken
The same names. For these four
Years, I've seen most grow,
Some digress, and others stay placid.
I've met new people, forgotten old ones
And fell in love with a few. We've been
Together since when, stayed together
Since then and will be together until when?
For four years I've seen some cry, seen most smile
And seen all worry. We've been together since
When, stayed together since then and will be together
Until when? I've seen those faces, felt those embraces.
For four years, we've been. We have been. We were...
Back then. I've been your friend, through thick and thin,
Tell me that won't change. Those late night "I love you"s.
Those "I'll tell you because I trust you"s. Those "No matter
What, no one will ever be above you"s. Those "I understand"s.
Those "I  should be your man"s. Those "I will walk with you through
The sands...of time." You're the pen and I'm the rhyme.
For four years I've stayed the same. You know my face,
You know my name. I know your smile, I know your laugh.
I know your voice, I know you better than most.
For four years, we've been. We have been. We were. we will be.
We are the class of 2013, the class of life. The class of who we were
Yesterday is different than who we will be tomorrow.
For four years we have been one. For four years, for
Four more years, and for four years from then, I will love you all.
For life, I will love. I will love you. I will love you all forever.

~Kai Alexander Means

Love in Four Parts

Let me explain. I have to slow
My breathing to catch up with my brain.
This new emotion never gives way to pain.
It's like every time I'm without you I seem
To go insane. I leave for the night, now
I'm lost without you. When it's the two of us,
There's nothing we can't do. I gave you a place
In my heart occupied by a select few.
I used to worry about me, but now "I" means "you too."

Obviously, you can see there's something going on.
I'm finally expressing how I've felt for so long.
My mind's not always right, but my feelings are never wrong.
Alone I am weak, but together we are strong.
I want to be the one to wipe your tears when you cry.
Can you feel the emotion in my words? This can't be a lie.
Happiness in the morning, marked by a smile and a sigh.
With us, it's "See you later," there's never a "goodbye."

Verily, unquestionably, undoubtedly in love.
I push you to follow your dreams when you need a shove.
A pair of arms to hold you at night like a glove.
I thank God for this blessing from above.
I want to be the one to make you feel a certain way.
I promise that I'm worth it at the end of the day.
And you open your mouth, trying to find the words to say,
But words aren't enough for these feelings we display.

Everyone wishes to be what we are,
To lie awake, holding hands, staring at a star.
No matter where I go, I'm never too far.
Tell me, am I the one that healed your scar?
We may fight everyday, but we never go to bed sore.
This love makes me rich, even if I'm poor.
I doubt that I'll ever feel this way again,
But you, I realize that I've never loved before.

~Kai Alexander Means

Questions

I've always wondered, what would I be if I were different?
What if I had blonde hair and blue eyes?
What if I was the athlete to take the world by storm?
What if I treated my women like they aren't worth anything?
Would they love me? I mean, women love bad boys right?
So they must love the way they get treated...or am I wrong?
Am I wrong? Am I...am I happy? If I were different, would
I be happier? What if...what if I just accepted myself?
What if I already accepted myself? I don't know, questions.
I mean, who am I to be intelligent? Who am I to have benevolence?
Who am I to deserve love?  Who am I to work to perform above
The norm? What if I'm not norm...al? What if my arguments are formal?
Do I deserve to be on top? Do I deserve to be somewhere better than
Where I am right now? But what if I have the wrong understanding to
Cause a misunderstanding in my analogy? Who am I not to be smart?
Who am I not to be the best I can be off a single proposed prophecy that
States: Who am I not to rise to the top? Who am I not to say forget statistics
Because I've never been one to be defined by the definition statistics define me as.
Who am I not to clench my fists, leaving a single finger protruding in the middle of
My hand? I have every right to be the best I can be because I am me. I am me...
I am, I don't know, it's just questions.

~Kai Alexander Means

First Poem! ~Sssh, Don't Tell~

I messed up. Sssh, Don’t Tell.
And I, I didn’t mean to
It just happened
And with me being young
I fooled her, like every
Other young man would.
I lied to her
And told her what
She wanted was
What I wanted
And everything I wanted
Was….to make her happy.
Sssh, Don’t Tell.
And what happened
Comes
Comes with consequences
That I just wasn’t willing
To face and I
I never knew
That it would lead to
Her crying
In the middle of school.
And I, I was confused
And I didn’t know
That I could bruise
A young girl’s heart.
Sssh Don’t Tell.
And this isn't who I am
And  I don't want her to
Regret the decisions she made
That were made with me.
And I, as a young man
Do make bad decisions
But I don't want my life
With her to be one of them.
And I don’t know what to do
And she gave herself to me
Like I wanted her to.
And I can’t keep my cool.
And what the hell am I supposed to do?
She told me to choose.
But I don’t know who.
So, I  don't think, I do
What is necessary
For me to make this cool.
So I choose.The only way out
Is to let love through.

~ Kai Alexander Means