If love was defined by the passion of two writhing
Bodies. The blood coursing through my veins,
It's my ibuprofen, just enough to ease the pains.
She looks particularly good tonight, she's trying
To impress the unimpressionable, no feelings,
Just actions. We get to my place, a place with
Loving thoughts so rare, I rarely leave much to
The imagination when I begin to remove her dress,
Kiss her lips, touch her breasts, she stands on the tips
Of her toes. From the bed, the floor, the couch, against the
Door, who knows where we will end up this time.
No feelings, just actions. The barrier of motherhood is
In place, I'm at the line, ready to run this race I've began
A million times before. The gun sounds, I start strong.
Gasp, tongue in her throat, these feelings, the things she'll
Provoke. Arched, I'm sure her back broke, my mouth dry,
I think I might choke. Something was different from the first
Moment she spoke, This feeling surrounds me, a cloud of black
Smoke. Moans, cries, hums, I can't go on...pause...deep stroke.
It's over as soon as it began. I utter the words, "I'm sorry." I never
Deserved her, she never deserved to be physically used. She looks
Puzzled, worried as I slowly get up, hand her the clothes I so diligently
Removed, "Is it something I did?" I lay next to her, the look in her eyes
Is terrible, she's terrified. "No, it's not something you did... It's something
You said." Maybe I shouldn't ignore this anymore. No actions, just feelings.
She still looks terrified. Her breathing quickens, tears in her eyes, I hold her
Hand, kiss her forehead. It's time for a new beginning. "It was when you said hi."
~ Kai Alexander Means
~ Kai Alexander Means
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