19

0. I wonder if my mother ever stared at her belly
Awaiting the surprise that was me inside. Did
My sister ever feel me kick for the first time in
Many sibling fights?
1. Milestones were reached within 12 months
Of existence, existential beliefs hang over my
Head for what is supposed to be my future,
Yet to be reached.
2. Another one on the way, I can't wait
To be the big brother I know I can be.
Will she like me?
3. Well, she's here.
4. Lifestyles of the small and energetic,
Be on my team as we search for others
Passionately hidden in trees, seeking
Acceptance in hidden treasures.
5.The entrance into the rest of my life,
Backpack weighs my small frame down,
I'm in the middle of nowhere. I have no one.
6. Friends come and go, but my box of crayons
Stays the same.
7. The day that shook America to its core would
Soon turn my whole life upside down. Why didn't
They warn me? Why don't they care?
8. The collision between a child's preoccupied
Mind and the real world called Struggles hit me
In the face like a ball flying off the rim at just the
Right angle. I need to lay down.
9.
10. .
11. Something is happening with my body. What is
This weird feeling? And why is it happening to me?
12. I'm finally at the end of the road... next is the highway.
Oh, and life is slapping me in the face. Hard.
Why must we hate each other? Question of the year.
13. Financial problems cause familial rifts, rips in the
Never perfect leather. Cracks in my ruined mind.
Life is taking me on a ride.
14. I'm ready to get off, but I can't. Should I jump?
Head pounding, why do I only hear verbal stabs at
My eardrums, the corruption of minds, mine blown to
Pieces, I can't stand the loneliness. What's the point
Of family if hate has overpowered the love?
15. If only you knew the truth behind the smile I fix
Onto my face when I get dressed in the morning, the pain
And proverbial hate that fills my thoughts. Walk a mile in my
Bloodied, ripped  shoes and you will see that all that glitters
Is just a front, open the door to see the reality.
16. I never did live the rich life, so I don't know what
It's like to have everything you want. My questions
 As to "why us" goes unanswered. Has for 9 years.
But I have discovered the paradox of happiness: Don't live
In the shadows, create your own light.
17. It's about time to merge onto the freeway of life. It's time to forget
The past...or forgive? Remember, you are the master of your own destiny.
No one but God can judge you. Kai means King Am I.
18. It's all over, time to take the exit. So long, you will never
Be able to catch up to me. Except when life crashes me.
One step forward, I never take steps backwards, but I've
Been in the same damn place for awhile now. When will I finally move?
19. I took my first step forward in awhile.

~ Kai Alexander Means