Rebirth

And I am reborn.

Where are we?

I thought I knew.

It seems we’ve been here,

before, maybe after the last time

I did something to feel alive.

You told me that in order to feel

joy, I must first feel pain, it doesn’t

go away, it only becomes more tolerable,

I had to let it burn like hell first.

I had to go, grab my coat to face the

harsh winters alone, this isn’t your place,

I needed to take a walk, find myself,

but I knew you’d come find me,

you always did.

Over the hill was a path, to solitude,

I didn’t plan on coming back,

only moving forward through mist

and agony, I disappeared.

But here, you never let me dissolve,

I just leave, and you save my memories.

So if it’s true that pain brings joy,

what does joy bring? Existence.

It brings feeling, winds biting at your

eyelashes, more than just gray, you see color,

warmth in the touch of a loved one,

and in the end, there was always hope.

I needed hope.                                                     

I had to make this quick, you’d come find

me, you always did, I can’t go back the same way I left.

The path through darkness led me to the river

where I proceeded to sit, green grass and sunlight,

I wanted to feel joy in this place, if it’s true, I had to find it.

I removed the knife from my pocket, a single tear drop,

dragged it across my skin, reached in and pulled out my heart,

felt it pulsating in my hand. 

And I died.

~ Kai Alexander Means

Color Me Human

They never did find a color to match my eyes.

They never asked me what color I wanted to be,

there was no right, only wrong…and I was wrong.

They had a problem with the way my skin was stitched

together at the seam, right between my stomach and my

fucking waistband, picked at it like surgeons searching

for a lost glove, as they ripped at my soul,

I too got ripped apart.

They had a problem with the way my lips protrude from

my face, I bite them numb, bite my tongue, my words

no longer words, they are misconstrued etchings of violence.

They had a problem with the way my black hair curled over

like a drunk bitch on Friday nights, staring at the

way it lays motionless in the wind while they

whipped me around, scrubbed at my keratin

to erase my melanin, I’ve never felt so much pain

in my life. They cut at every inch, color me vibrant red,

as the wounds began to bleed. They didn’t find the answer,

I’m sorry for whatever I did to you, they began to color my

face

                     black

                                                     and

                                                                                            blue.

As I lay motionless on the table, they cut me open,

cracked my ribcage, color me agonizing, to see

if there was a difference in the way

my left lung cradled my aorta,

if I bled normal colors, if they

were to puncture my lung in 33 different

places, would it ever inflate again.

They made me watch my back, both sides,

turning over my shoulder, color me

paranoid, I hear them sharpening metal

to chain me up for their next experiment,

this time they want to see if I feel pain like

them, to test my mortality, I’m not some

urban legend, I too die when you take a knife

and bury it to the hilt, give it a twist to make sure

that last breath was gone before they marked

my time of death in blue ink.

They used markers and pencils, pens and crayons

to try to change me but it was worthless, worth

less than the brown stain forever burnt across my

body, they turned me into a rainbow, into an

animal to play with, never did they color me human.

And they never did find a color to match my eyes.

~ Kai Alexander Means

Lemon

I see peace deep within her lemon eyes,

her smell of yellow citrus and passion

entices my senses, I want her skin.

And is it bad that I find myself in

her head, searching for solace in darkness

when hidden treasures are found in her touch.

Her voice softer than a whisper,

her body makes me a promise

to never let her grow bitter. She has

a sugary sweetness to her lips, tongue

the indistinguishable taste of love,

I feel her quiver under my fingers,

she’s radiant under the sun, hair caught

on fire by the sprinkled specks of light,

her smile more addicting than her hips, yes

we kissed under the forbidden oak tree,

our lips danced a waltz only gods can know

of, carving our names into the soft earth.

And if she ever wondered why I’m here

after many cold winters, I’d simply

say it’s something about her that makes me

feel I have come out triumphant in this lifetime,

it’s true, those who find love are luckiest,

and I found peace in her eyes.   

~ Kai Alexander Means

The Voice In The Closet: A Nursery Rhyme

Gather round children, I’ve a story to tell
About a family and their absolute night from hell.

It starts with a boy who was terribly mislead

To his closet where folks say he wound up dead.

It began years before when he first heard the voices,

His mother claimed they caused his very bad choices.

His father took them down to the house by the lake,
This was, mind you, a truly horrible mistake.

He danced and he played, not a moment of strife,

Until he went to the kitchen to grab a large knife.

“Are you sure this will be fun,” his mother heard him say,
Little did she know this was her very last day.

Screams, neighbors heard, as the murders begun,
He played with their bodies when the whole job was done.

Using their blood as the utensil of choice,
He followed the directions of this sinister voice.

“You were right,” he said, “There’s nothing to it”,
As he wrote on the wall THE VOICE MADE ME DO IT.

The boy went to his closet, and this is no lie,
Where he proceeded to hang himself by his dad’s tie.

Some say if you enter the room of the boy,
You’ll hear him laugh as he plays with his toy.

So tuck yourself in with this warning to posit,
Never listen to the voice that hides in the closet.


~ Kai Alexander Means

To The Boys Who Try To Steal My Daughters' Hearts

I'm watching you.
You may be able to persuade their mother,
But you cannot do the same to me,
I am your worst nightmare,
Hiding in the corner of your bedroom
At night, whispering in your ear
"Jump out the window Johnny" while you
Sleep, in the morning I'm nowhere to be found.
So she likes you, I'll give you the chance,
But never the benefit of the doubt, I taught her
What love looks like, the ins and outs of a real
Man, I taught her to laugh with no warrant and
Cry with no towel, smile with no worries and
Scream with no vowel. I was the face she woke up
To when she had a bad dream, the voice that sang
Her to sleep when her little feet were restless.
I was her first date because, if anything,
I wanted to make sure she knew she deserved more
Than a bag of popcorn and a cheesy love story.
I was born with perfect aim to pick off boys like you
One by one. I am the embodiment of a ninja,
Not because I blend in with my surroundings but of
The delicate dance I do with nature, I climb trees
With poison darts and hang from rooftops, and
Just when you thought you lost me, I am the rustle in the
Bushes. You see, I am required to give you a chance,
You're lucky she chose you, but I dare you to break
Her heart and I will break your bones with a force
Tenfold the pain you have caused my princess,
It's not murder if you don't think about it.
I danced with her to Michael Jackson, spun her in circles
Like a merry-go-round, I taught her how to mold
A life with her own two hands, how a man is supposed
To treat a woman, she watched me live my words
With her mother, so I tell you, boy, don't test my
Girl, I'm watching you.

~ Kai Alexander Means

Who Am I

A simple man once asked me who am I behind
Blind ears and tone deaf eyes, the answer is not as simple
As one's mind. So to unnamed man who asked me to describe
Myself, I will try my best to abide thyself in stating the
Obvious, I mean, obvious to me that you have no interest in
Who I really am, but I will take it upon myself to tell you anyways.
I am the wind between your baby hairs at night, rushing past
Your ear singing melodies when you are alone. I am your first taste
Of fear in the cinema, feel your heart race, the constriction in your airways
When I'm near, deep breaths please. I am your once upon a time
In a galaxy far far away, four score and seven years ago, I had a dream
That some one just crazy enough would ask this here question and I'd feel the
Need to explain myself. I am lust and black magic in the summer,
A simple touch is all I need to come alive like the first breath of a newborn,
Call me your deepest fear realized behind your blind ears and tone deaf eyes,
I am certain you are never to ask this question again. I am the one you'll never
Forget, like a knife placed at your neck, one wrong move and you are
Destined to find yourself at your own funeral, eating air at the eulogy's words
That describe you as quite ignorant, Mr. Simple Minded. I am the
Reason your wife lies awake at night, she can't keep her mind off me,
I am Freedom she has had a taste of, now she's addicted, and you are none the wiser
How I touched her skin, fingered her heart like a mandolin, the music I made
Inside her mind was a symphony, and you don't know how to do such things when
Your touches are purely physical, mine were a pleasure principle, learn
To touch the mind before you touch the skin. I am the smoke billowing from
Your cigarette, malignant in the way I dance around you, using your lungs as target
Practice, I am deception in the flesh, watch how I quickly devour that brain
Of yours. I am the breeze at the beach on a chilly day in Fall, poking at your brittle
Bones, pins and needles on your lifeless flesh, watch I, the sunset go down on
Your last day in paradise, you will long for the beauty that is me when you are no
Longer able to bathe in my bliss. So, to unnamed man who asked who am I,
I am your pain in a nutshell, your worst nightmares you have yet to discover in
The depths of your mind. I am everything you ever wanted but everything you'll never
Have, I am the beauty in the moments you don't take the time to discover yet,
I am the reason some live wonderfully but you continue to live in sorrow, you haven't
Taken the time to explore me yet, let your worries go and take a deep breath,
Step outside the box you built and you'll find me there in plain sight, I am life.
Who are you?

~ Kai Alexander Means

Ink

She lays there in silence, swallowed by the comforter,
Her petite body rising with every oxygen rich breath she takes,
Damn I want to kiss her. Not just kiss her like I've kissed her a
Million times before, I want to take her breath away, feel
Her lose consciousness as her soul presses against my begging
Lips, hear her moan inside me, feel her nails in my back,
A kiss good enough to make her cum, damn I want to kiss her.
I awake to the sight of this complex creature before me,
Nudity fits her fucking perfectly, she's swallowed by the
Comforter. She is a paradox if I may say so, red hair,
White skin and black ink, it covers her body like a second
layer, like everything she's ever wanted to say but was
Tired of repeating, like the work of art she really is after all,
Like the way she wears her pain with pride, she's a damn
Miracle, the way her curves disappear right under the
Sheets, her body is the source of my every fantasy, my every
I Love You is saved for that inked figure, I stare and
Reflect on those words on her shoulder, run my fingers
Over the letters, the same ones sketched on my back in brazen
Black, "I was always yours to have and you were always mine",
We carry Maya Angelou wherever we go, who better to represent
My love for this woman. On her side she has inked a saying
From we, the times we couldn't be one but longed for a touch to
Take the pain away, "If Kisses Were Cures" I'd say to her,
She'd repeat it back to let me know she heard it, but it never changed
A fucking thing. Still I trace the words over her body like they are
Magic, even the words bathed in heartbreak on her arm, or
Maybe the music notes on her neck that one can only see if they
Cared to lift her hair, I do so I can sing the melody to her soul,
I am conceited enough to place my lips on their mirror image, as she
Often does the same to my chest, after all they are hers to admire,
Her own personal stamp on my body, given that most of who I am is
Dedicated to her. I take time to carefully trace the name of the angel on
Her back, along with the cross that accompanies such. She has my
Heart on her arm and the names of two princesses on her wrists, she
Has the guarantee of forever on her shoulder and the coordinates
Of Paradise on her hand, she has the quanitity of love on her foot and
The initial of her prince on her finger. She is covered in ink, a
Darling on the eyes, a savior of the soul, I see a part of her saved for
Me. Behind closed doors her nudity brings raw beauty, climactic sexuality.
Tells 100 different stories, she's awake.

~ Kai Alexander Means

Dear Mrs. Kardashian

Dear Kim Kardashian,
Or should I call you Mrs. West? Well, here we are, questions
Rack my mind like stripper poles and bad decisions, I wonder...
Who really hit it first? Because Ray J says the sex was
Bananas but Nick Cannon says it was oranges, what's really
Going on in your fruit basket? Now, Queen K, I heard you
Were face down and ass up, now was that on your own bed or
Did your momager get you a Tempurpedic? Mrs. West, I
Heard your booty so fat, is that to compensate for the
Tiny pebble of destitute matter in your head you
Try your best to pass off as a brain but fail miserably at doing
So? Mama West, why did you name your baby North,
You could have at least done her a favor and named her
Something better, like Beyonce, I'm just saying.
President Kardashian, could you please tell your friend
Mrs. Carter that her child sounds like deadly
Foliage, again, just a recommendation, Mrs. West.
Back to your love life Señora, you married a white man for
72 days, was that the rebel in you, were you trying
Something new, it seems you are addicted to black men,
You went and married black Jesus. Speaking of
Mr. West, did you really have sex on that motorcycle,
Let the fans blow air through your baby hairs as you walked
Straight to Heaven with Yeezus himself? Do you ever
Cry at night Dr. Kardashian? Because I feel like you do, I mean
Seriously, have you seen how bad your nails looked on last
Week's show, you are way too rich to look that bad,
Pastor Kardashian, you need Yeezus. But, Mrs. Kardashian-West,
I want to know, with you being famous for no reason,
Are you happy with yourself?

~ Kai Alexander Means

The Art of Letting Go

I never really wanted to be in this position,
I mean, sure I made my mistakes, pressured you
Too hard for your comfort, made you lose all trust in
Me, made you feel I am worthless, worth less than
A bag of Skittles, I never wanted to push you
Away, so how come I did? I must be losing you all
Together, completely, I watch you slip just out of reach
And I can't grab you, even if it were a fingertip,
I would at least know I still meant something to you.
But I watch you fall, fingers disappear, you
Held on until you had to give up, life reached up and
Pulled you down with it, you were so strong,
I'm sorry I couldn't be your savior, your Superman,
You were my Kryptonite. With tears in my eyes,
I watched as you fell out of love with me, as quickly
As you came, you left. I guess I should be happy,
After all, when you love someone as much as I do,
There comes a time when you have to push them off the edge,
Let them discover all the things you can't give them,
But I really thought I could give you the world,
I at least wanted to try, but I broke you. I broke your heart,
Your mind, your soul, I was not the one you fell in love
With, it was just my words you liked, we meshed in
Complete symmetry, I treated you like the queen you were
And you longed for that recognition, until I fell too deep.
I started bludgeoning you with thoughts, my worries
Were knives, my insecurities bullets, it's quite amazing
You survived it all. I always knew you were special,
But maybe I knew too much. And then life reached up,
Destined to take you with it, you hung on to the ledge and I,
I just stepped on your fingers, not on purpose, I just
Can't stop my own clumsiness sometimes, I am always my worst
Enemy. You fell. And I watched. And I saw someone else
Reach up and grab you just in time, I'm glad you're
Alive, but still, I wanted to be your Superman, but I was
Your Kryptonite. Have you ever stood on top a bridge and looked
Around? You see your life ending there, until you climb down.
I had to make the decision to see you happy and smile, stop
Being selfish for once and be selfless, give yourself, your
Heart to someone else, and even though I'm already
Dead, I live. And I turn around, stop for just a second to watch them
Brush the dirt off you, watch you smile and walk away,
Drop my heart as you left, I knew it was inevitable.
I had to smile, I couldn't afford to frown, turn around and see
The distance I have to walk to just reach Okay, I've got
Quite a journey, so I must start on my way.
I'm sorry.

~ Kai Alexander Means

Sunflower

She lived her life in silence, her body bathed in sorrows
While her mind was dipped in regrets, of the future,
The past and the ever so deadly present. She slept with
An eye open to the world, watching her back
For she was afraid of betrayal before sun rise, a lack of something
To believe in, so she refused to believe in the impossible
Thing called happiness, she couldn't be happy today.
She took her first steps outside, it seemed the leaves fell on her
Heart, a perennial weight pushing on her chest until she could no
Longer breathe, the trees shaded her anguish, the sun
Shined for the very last time through leaves of gray, this was
Not what she imagined her life to be, inevitable doesn't
Make it hurt less. Laughter, I know she heard it, not
A new sound but a forgotten one, how beautiful it was.
She looked up to a sight of unimaginable proportions,
A sunflower in full bloom, amidst a world so dark, it shines so bright.
And she stares and wonders how it's possible for a
Creature to overcome death in exchange for the most extraordinary
Of lives. And she can breathe again. The world once told her
That to find yourself is to find something like yourself,
A survivor of the madness, and study it, for the battle you
Fight now is the same battle it has overcome, so
She studied this sunflower, let it sway in the wind
Like a wind chime, touched it as if it were delicate matter,
She stared and it stared back through her sadness
And to her soul, and she knew. She smiled. And she
Could finally breathe in, she stood up and found
Herself in the darkness, lit up by a ray of life,
Nothing would ever be the same, but better.
Stumbling out of a black and white pit, she found color
In a rainbow, sometimes finding yourself is worth
The pain to get there, and she knew she would be okay.

~Kai Alexander Means

Tour

Here we are ladies and gentlemen, my favorite part
Of this exhibit, the tour. Consider yourself lucky,
Not just anyone can be apart of this occasion, this is a
Once in a lifetime event worth a lifetime in memory.
Walk with me as we begin this magnificent moment,
And here we go.
                                    ~
It happens every now and then, the subtle moments of our life
Together when we merge into one breathing being, seeing
The same waves crash onto the shore, she lays her head on me.
My heart speeds up like the climax of a symphony, she plays
Me like a violin, such a skilled musician she is.
She is truly a sight to behold, you can look but don't touch,
I touch her anyways. Starting with her hair, soft strokes as it
Blows in the wind, fiery red to match the intense orange of the
Sunset, she has become one with nature. To see her is one thing,
To feel her is even better. The way her hair dances
Through my fingertips like a dove's passionate dance with freedom,
She's a breath of fresh air. I run my fingers over her face,
The contact with her skin sends lightning coursing through my veins,
She's adrenaline to an addict. The continuous flow of
Electricity is enough to make my heart skip a beat,
I continue on my path to bliss over her shoulder,
Her breasts rise and fall with every breath she takes, you can
Feel it in the air, the way she loves, the life she breathes,
I never had to wonder if those lips spoke truth.
My fingers run over her chest, tracing magic over
Her heart, X marks the spot I fell in love with,
She's a fragile piece of art, a muse to say the least,
I allow myself a quick touch of hers truly, enough to
Elicit a giggle and titillate her senses, stimulation for later.
The path I am following takes a dip along her side,
Curves too dangerous for most men, but I do
A hell of a job handling her body, the dress she has on
Flaps in the wind, it frames her beauty like a picture,
I reach my destination, her hips, where I end my assault
Often, giving a squeeze to her delicate skin,
A sigh of content escapes her mouth, I think she's happy.
She turns her head and takes a peek at me, her
Eyes say it all, I hope this is a moment she treasures,
This thing we share called love in a time of peaceful
Insanity, she is my safe haven from the rest of the world.
And we sit and watch time pass us by slowly,
Love in the air we breathe, the sun may go down,
But the flame in this relationship grows stronger.
And in the darkness, I feel comfort in her body, her heart,
Her warmth is a blanket I cuddle up to, and we watch the stars.
                                  ~
Ladies and gentlemen, this concludes our tour.
We hope you enjoyed your time here with us today,
We are glad to have had the opportunity to show you a
One of a kind exhibit. We hope you have a wonderful day and
As always, please do not touch the artwork.

Thank You

We sit here and watch the waves crash like giants in soft sand,

Together, not as a couple, but one breathing unit, a

Heartbeat so gentle it cannot be heard with the naked ear.

This is all I've ever wanted, to have you in my arms,

As these waves crash like giants in soft sand, footprints

Made by you permanently on this heart of mine,

I don't really know what I'd do without you now that I've

Gotten a taste of what it's like to be loved tenderly,

I hate to say it but I may be addicted to your soft touch.

I feel your body shift under my hands as the waves continue

To crash like giants in soft sand, we made our own little castle,

Together, hand in hand we built a kingdom, even if

Just in soft sand, I had a great time building it with you.

You know, I never really did say thank you, such an

Abnormality in my vocabulary, it was never really needed,

Until now. Thank you for making me scared to lose you,

Thank you for being as scared to lose me. Thank you

For being a delightfully sweet pain in my ass.

Thank you for being so beautiful that I often catch

Myself drooling when I see your smiling face.

Thank you for being a genius, intelligence is one sexy

Little dress on you. Thank you for being a kid

Again with me, sometimes I lost sight of what fun truly was.

Thank you for keeping me in line, the greatest man

Never strays far from the whip of his woman.

Thank you for dealing with me when I'm just a hormonal

Machine in boxers and a T-shirt, and thank

You for giving me something to hold onto when I'm 

Back to normal. Thank you for singing along to

The words of my favorite songs with me,

Bobbing your head, stomping your hands and

Clapping your feet because we never were

Normal. Thank you for being a deliciously weird

Addition to my life, I have never craved one thing so much

In my life. Thank you for being the sexiest thing

I've ever seen when you are simply strolling

Around in a shirt and underwear, Thank you for

Having the perfect personality in such an imperfect world.

Thank you for being mature when I'm slightly

Less. Thank you for being nothing less than amazing,

Just by being you. So, we sit here and watch the waves crash

Like giants in soft sand, your soft hands grabbing me in

Ways no man can resist, what a woman you are.

Thank you for being mine.

~ Kai Alexander Means