(Un)Revolutionary

1. The shotgun to the back of my heart rattles silence. Chaos.

2. Chaos disturbed is order, out of order, I found three bullets and gave

Them to you, I didn’t expect you to take aim, until I heard a click. Blast.

3. Blasts can’t be taken back, and I’m weightless, weigh less with 16 ounces

Of blood spilling out my chest, you can’t stop this bleeding. Suicide.

4. Suicidal in the way I handed you my heart, signed my death in blood red ink,

I hoped you love me enough to tell me no, or let me go, I am no longer whole,

Half of a human minus the soul, I don’t know what you want from me, I couldn’t, I couldn’t

Tell you I would be alright with one last breath, “I love you.” Holes.

5. Holes spattered my body in fresh life, watch the colors change like the time, 30 minutes before you called for help, my mother, she declared my death would be you, I never did listen, and I gasp for air on the kitchen floor, easier to clean, while you smoked a cigarette. Doctor.

6. Doctors poked at me like dinner on a plate. Pain.

7. Pain was no longer an option, it was destiny, Euphoria.

8. Euphoria-laced clouds danced in my head, I saw three men come to meet me, gates, He said,

“It wasn’t your fault,” I played hopscotch with three children, but they had wings and I didn’t,

We sang with Michael Jackson, Heavenly, I was ready to go home to pack my bags, I couldn’t leave, this must be the death of me. Gone.

9. Gone was my last breath, they called my death like clockwork, orange with sin, they said my demise was (un)revolutionary, I was (un)evolutionary, read between the lines of the toe tags covered in white lace, death from a broken heart. I.

10. Loved you.

~ Kai Alexander Means