Tired

I'm just tired, looking at the same wall, staring at the same
Message I sent several hours ago that you have yet to
Even read, I'm starting to wonder if you're tired of me.
I have these things called feelings, just because most men don't
Show them doesn't mean I won't, I'm not most men, I'm one man.
And yet, this dance we dance, the path we weave seems to
Become ever so tangled, I can't just go back and fix
The place where it all went wrong because I'm not sure
Where it did. So if we were fine, why do I feel like every
Word you speak to me is forced, force may not be the word,
More like a complete strain on your inner being, I didn't know I made
You feel like that, but that's what you spew out at me,
It's all relative. You see, I never got tired of writing you love letters,
But you got tired of reading them. I never got tired of professing
My love, but you got tired of so much. I never got tired of
Hearing your voice on the phone, but you got tired of hearing mine.
I never got tired of planning our future, but you got tired of
Planning the future, I see, the future is a thing you loved,
Only without me. I never got tired of seeing your face,
But mine disgusted you, I never got tired of fantasizing,
But you got tired of the fantasies, I never got tired of being there
For you, but you got tired of me being there, I never.
I must annoy you, like a fly in your ear, buzzing around
Thinking we could live happily together in the same world, while
You silently plot my demise, crooked smiles like
Crooked lies, I should have known you despised my presence.
I feel like a burden, a shadow in the corner of your life
That never saw enough light to feel alive, maybe it's the timing.
But I've lost my faith, I got tired of writing you love letters,
So I don't write them. I got tired of professing a love
Not received, so I stopped loving. I got tired of not hearing
Your voice, so I don't even wait for your call. I got
Tired of planning our future, so I forgot what the future was.
I got tired of showing you my disgusting face, so I hide
It behind walls of black. I got tired of fantasizing about you,
So I gouged my memory. I got tired of my presence being
So despised, so I disappeared from your existence.
Now, I'm just tired.

~ Kai Alexander Means

Psst, You're Stupid

Everyone needs a best friend.
Someone you can lean over to and say
"Psst, you're stupid." A life friend until
Life's end, enlighten me in only ways you
Can. I still remember meeting you, but that's
Irrelevant, what's prevalent is this friendship
Must be heaven sent. It all started in the
Middle of class, I got the chance to make
You laugh, That laugh was the key to a
Friendship everlast...ing, in passing,
Do you remember that one time at prom,
We danced in circles to a song, the
Music video came on, and I... Well I'm
Still waiting for Rihanna to get out of the tub.
Did I ever tell you that the reason I was
Always in sixth hour early was because,
Slowly but surely, I knew my best friend
Would walk through that door, hug me
Tighter than a little girl clutching a teddy bear
And that's when I realized my best friend
Was this beautiful young woman,
Neither of us know exactly where we're
Going, but we tackle it together, that means
That forever to my soul you will always have A pass, If someone hurts you, I'm the first to
Say "Should I kick his ass?"
When it comes to friends, it's a process,
Progress, the act of unzipping your body,
Pulling out your heart and giving a piece to
Each person. Pieces get smaller, but the Gaps get bigger, they drop like flies, one
Minute they're there, the next you don't even
Remember their names. But I remembered
Your name, I've repeated it so many times,
And when I wasn't quite the man I could've
Been, you held my hand, wore my heart
As a necklace, did I ever say thank you?
In return, I've joined the search for whatever
You lost, we found it and we dusted it off,
You knew humans couldn't fly but that never
Stopped us from taking turns jumping off
The deck and flapping our arms for at least
One second of weightlessness. So here we
Are, I doubt that I tell you much, but I love You, love times two, may I remind you that
Through the darkness I'm beside you, in fact
I'm the one that turned off the light, so Perhaps you can turn it on again, look in
The mirror, see me and say,
"Psst, you're stupid."

~ Kai Alexander Means

Insomniac

Midnight is when my mind swirls like tight curls, darkness brings
Mystery of what were to happen if I simply closed my eyes for one second,
The second time I tried calling on my inner thoughts to lead me in
The right direction until uncertainty was the only passenger left on my train
Of thought, they say insomniacs make for the most complex of minds
But we just want to be able to sleep like you normal people, 1:30 and
I stare at the wall, not so complex at all when the seasons in my mind turn
From summer to fall, throw the ball and I'll swing at your head
Because my depth perception is not quite right, quiet nights turn to screaming
Madness when you close your eyes, there's something wrong with you.
2:50 and you concentrate on the shadow your consciousness casts
On the wall, trying to see your reflection in something unreflective,
Reflect on your life for just a second, the times when you used to be
Able to sleep without a pill, without a hill to roll down to get away from the monster called daylight. 4 o' clock and the near future brings subtle happiness when
The love of your life awakens from her beauty sleep, and when
She sleeps, she is so beautiful but you have yet to meet her in her dreams
So you quietly wonder what's going on in that beautiful mind of hers,
Mine is filled with racing thoughts, straight towards my frontal lobe
Until they crash into my skull with reckless abandon, staircases to nowhere,
My brain is filled with these traps to catch the nightmares if only I could
Close my eyes one more time but it's useless, I might as well watch
The sun rise over the horizon, and there goes my night, the time
Where I can relax, replenish my soul with much needed rest
Like resting in the arms of a loved one and I can't help but wonder,
Is this going to be the rest of my life?

~ Kai Alexander Means

Damn, I Mean

"Have you ever looked at the world and said 'Our society is so wonderful,' damn, I mean pitiful, what's literal, we're not liberal, these cures, they're not medicinal. Society says 'Be yourself...wait, you're doing it all wrong,' because we say 'Be Yourself', damn, I mean be who we want you to be, march in straight lines, see what we program you to see. I am not society, damn, I mean we are not individual, from jeans to straight jackets, life is so temporal. Define 'individual'. 20 million people wore the same thing today and you thought you were different. In society's eye, we're all equal, damn, I mean we'll never be equal, history repeats itself and I'm waiting on the sequel, skin tone, gender, orientation, the upcoming war isn't against terrorists, it's against the people. We treat women like queens, damn, I mean like sex toys for men, damn, I mean little boys, women don't just cook, clean and lay on their backs, they have a voice. Education is prevalent, damn, I mean irrelevant when we're all about the money and we're hell bent to raise hell, set records that no one's recording just so we have a story to tell...but who's listening? Our political system is a democracy, damn, I mean aristocracy, rich people telling me how I feel, damn, I mean we feel, they say they care about the middle class, but it doesn't seem real when they have all the money and never worried about the light bill. This society is so fair, damn, I mean unfair, damn, I mean our death, damn, I mean we write it, damn, I mean do you hear me now, damn, I mean we're killing ourselves, damn, I mean can't we all just get along, damn, I mean...you know what I mean."

*Sorry about the editing, this is the first video I've made.

24 Hours Pt 1

It's Midnight and I lay here in my bed, my hands roaming over this
Beautiful body in my arms as she lays fast asleep, her head
Placed so delicately on my chest, I can feel her heart beat as it beats
In perfect synchronization with my own, she lays her hand right
Against my body, her way of making sure I'm not leaving her, but
I never planned to.1 AM and we're floating through the clouds
Together, blissful peace we find in each other when the world is
Filled with chaos, she has a hectic sexiness about her, the burning
In my soul tells me that she was always the one, 2 AM and I breathe her in,
My nostrils assaulted with her scent, enough to wake me slightly,
Squeeze her tighter and feel her body dig into me, her breathing so calm
Like her demeanor, she's the sweetness on my tongue, 3 AM and
I fell in love again, I run my hand down her arm, she's since
Turned over and pressed herself into me, I reach her hand and she grabs
Hold of mine, pulls me
Closer toward her beautiful heart, 4 AM and I feel her soul, I savor
The feeling of her bare skin against mine, no barriers to keep us from each
Other, another night of passion shared together, so the scratch
Marks on my back tell our history of love, the look in her eyes
Ingrained in my mind, there's no way I could forget such beauty.
5 AM and I'm awake, the day has to start but I don't want love to end,
I begin to run my fingers over her inked skin, followed by my tongue,
My lips pressed softly against her tender frame, inching along
Her spine, she shivers in ecstasy, love wakes her from
Her sweet slumber, she turns towards me and I see those gorgeous
Eyes once more, I slide my body into hers, my lips softly pressed
Against hers, her lips taste of strawberries and perfection,
Her eyes slow to open again from this moment we just shared,
My hand caresses her face, a smile that tells me all I need to know,
A beautiful good morning flows from her mouth, 6 AM and
I love you.

To Be Continued...

~ Kai Alexander Means

My God

My God, she is beautiful, no other way to describe a woman like her.
The fire burning in the soul of a man so in love that she can't
Even put it out, I know what love is and she's the one that showed me.
Have you ever seen a person and wondered what planet they were from because
There is absolutely no way they were from Earth, Earth doesn't
Deserve this kind of perfection. She knows what she can do to me
Immediately for I have to hold my jaw in place to keep it from hitting the floor.
I have to divert my eyes to keep from staring at her too long,
And if she catches me, with a smile on her face, a slight wiggle in her
Hips to let me know I am busted was all it takes to make
My trance pop like a balloon, face cherry red, she tastes of
Maraschinos and smells of flowers, her head often buried in my
Chest and her hair in my face, I take deep breaths to inhale her.
The way she looks at me with two hazel eyes like glass marbles
Imbedded in my heart, I see forever in her mesmerizing trance,
My hands tremble as they handle the curves of her body, you would think
I've never touched her before, down her sides and to her hips, she
Takes hold of my hand to steady my heartbeat as she pushes
Her love against me. She is short compared to the stature of
Her man, but taller than the Empire State, her mind makes up the
Extra hundred feet that she stands on as she sashays over to
Me with her angelic walk, her angelic voice whispers the subtle words
Into my ears that make me melt at my knees in a heap of love,
She did always know what to say to take my breath away.
Her personality enhances her beauty tenfold, she is the type to
Take your breath away with her looks before reviving you with
Her smile, I haven't been that man in awhile to be so easily moved,
But one touch from her and I am down for the count.
And did I mention that love pours from her body into mine
Every time we lay together, our lips dance across each other's
In the most wonderful display, a waltz of epic proportions to
Our own rhythm. She is a dream come true, how can a man resist
When he has found what he longed for for so long,
I am determined to keep her satisfied for as long as we both
Shall live, I am hers and she is mine. Our passion extends
Far beyond the bedroom, love is the force that links these two
Individuals in serenity, destiny brought us together, fate has kept us together.
You have not seen perfect until you've seen her, if such exists,
She is the very definition. She keeps this smile pasted
On my face, she is the cause of my happiness in the
Way she does the things that keep me on my toes, you
Never know what this woman will do next, but I never try to guess.
And the way she looks at me with such innocence, you know
The sexiness in a woman with a classy flair and a dirty mind,
Imagining all the things she can do to me if only we were alone.
Not much stops her from fulfilling those thoughts, as such her
Confidence in who she is does the dirty work for her.
She harbors an open appetite for adventure, a smart ass mouth
That stops you dead in your tracks and hips that desire to be held
Against me in the ultimate display of affection for each other.
And the way she loves me, my God.

~ Kai Alexander Means

I Can't Stay

When I met her, I was down on my luck, life was passing
Me by, I just failed to catch the ride to wherever it was taking me.
Searching for a friend in the laziest of ways, I ended up finding
Perfection in a single soul that found perfection in me. We would
Talk through the night, a dance of words under a single star that
Created an inevitable feeling that was all too sudden, we didn't search
For it, it just found us. The heart wants what the heart wants, and my
Heart desired you. My God, what you did to me, things I never dreamed
Possible by a single woman, you made my heart fly out of my chest,
A death so perfect that the angels cried. My necessity for life was now in
Your hands, if you were to squeeze it, I would suffer life's agony alone.
The beauty of her was so much different than any other, the passion she
Carried in love, the tone she had in her voice, the way she smiled at me
Made my mouth utter the words "I love you" unknowingly, and at that
Point, life was never the same. No matter that life came crashing down
On her, I helped to pull her out of the rubble, and she did the same for me
When I was left beaten in an alley behind the store of life, she found
Me and healed me herself, what magic in her that no one else possessed.
I helped her dust herself off every time she was knocked down, I watched
Her find herself piece by piece, and although she could never stay on her feet
For long, each time she bounced right back, faster and stronger than ever.
She always thanked me for doing what I was supposed to do, no need for it.
Love is always there to save the day, in my eyes at least. So here she was,
With I in one last perfect moment of tender passion, an overflow of emotion
Surged from our bodies as we held each other for the first time in awhile,
We held each other's hearts so delicately, and although her life was on the floor,
She could care no more, we still let the fire of love lead us down a path unknown.
And really, we had the perfect ending, for the next day she asked me to meet her
Again, a contented smile shown in her voice told me that she was happy again.
At the moment I watched her walk to me, I knew something was different, but that
Smile on her face showed she was better, striding to me while holding my heart right
There in the palm of her hand like she always had. Face to face, heart to heart, she
Hugs me in a way that says "thank you for what you've done." I knew before she
Said it, but I had to be okay with it, her life was repairing itself, and I had to let
Her go to live it anew, "I can't stay," she says to me, and I knew that I had to smile
For her, she was happy again and it had to be enough. She slowly reached her hand out,
Still caring enough to be careful with my life, placing what was mine back in me.
She traded my life for hers, and with a kiss to my cheek and I smile, mouthing "Thank you,"
To my eyes, she turned and walked away, slowly, as graceful as ever. I looked down
To find myself cradling my own heart once again, and with a single tear flowing down each
Cheek, I watched my love disappear from sight. I had to smile, she was happy, whole again.
Isn't that what I always wanted for her? I think I've done my job, what I worked for, I got,
I can't be too sad about that, no matter the new leaks springing from this object I carry.
It's time for me to take time, seal these leaks that are draining me, but one thing is for sure,
I loved her for her and she for I, and though life has brought us together in order to tear us
Apart, I will walk with a smile on my face, my tears soothe my wounds in my heart I carry.
I will wait for her to return if she promised me she would. I'd wait forever.
And back to the land of loneliness for awhile, but I'm sorry, hopefully this time, I can't stay.

~ Kai Alexander Means

Fire and Ice

We weren't meant to be the perfect couple. So, how come we are?
                                               ~
Your past was ice cold, frozen solid like the Antarctic, icebergs you can't
Help but run into, battered, bruised, beaten. Frostbite. You just wanted fire.

My life was a fiery furnace, burning with anger towards those who did me wrong,
Ill mentality, elemental, mental illness, the hurt lingers in the form of ashes that fill me.

Life doused me with a cold splash of water the day I met you, it became breathable
Once again, I am able to smother this fire and let my burns begin to heal, with ice.

Spring finally came around to thaw you like the first showers of April that bring the
Most beautiful flowers in May. You melted at my words you say, the fire you needed.

You were perfect. A smile that says "Don't be scared." A heart burning like the sun,
A mind as fiery as the pit that was me, a mouth that spoke such priceless words. Beauty.

I couldn't help but wonder where you got that smart mouth from, or the ability to leave
Me, a man of so many words, completely speechless. I never did like silence, until you.

I had a knack for saying the words you always wanted to hear, so you've told me.
These words you hear are the product, love turns a normal man into a master poet.

You knew what you did to me, from Day None, you had my heart in the palm of your
Hand, to have and to hold until death do us part, the only death would come from you.

But you never squeezed the life out of me, why? You said you gave up on this thing called
Happiness, such a beautiful soul with beauty as your essence, thank you for letting me love you.

I struggled to find myself at first, I had a nasty habit of burning my bridges before you could cross
Them, I could have just given up, but you told me stop worrying, just relax my mind and let love in.
                                                             
I found peace in you, piece by pieces that were once broken certainly glued back together by
This magical young lady, what three simple words said with such honesty could do to me.

You realized your worth, your love for me conquered every doubt you ever had that you deserve
The absolute best, and although the best wasn't promised, you took a chance and leaped in faith.

You grabbed a hold of my hand, you knew I wouldn't let go, we couldn't afford to lose each other.
It was truly amazing, you started living life instead of wearing it. Who are you? Wonder Woman?

I didn't just fall in love, I fell in life. I didn't know you could have such a profound effect on me,
Not only did I find my best friend, I found my soul mate, my beginning, and hopefully my end.

I used to dream of settling down, but with you, there is no settling. I was reawakened to the
Pleasures in life, the difference I've been searching for, you make me want to be better.

You said you've never felt this way before. You've begun to experience life again under the
Wings of love. You are free to love with confidence that I love you back, you're never alone.

You fell in life like I, you went past love with ease, perfection in your future, not because perfect
Is real, but because you know that perfection is defined by you. You defined it with our love.
                                                                ~
Here we are, two imperfect people perfectly in love. We have outlasted life itself, we have seen each
Other's souls through the eyes of one another, the magic of love is too good to be true, oh so true.

We were never the type to need anyone, but each other, each second, each touch, each kiss more
Electrifying than the last, our love has been the ultimate epitome of perfect, magical, love. Bliss.

And now we have made a decision to spend our lives together, it was inevitable, the joining of our lives,
More than just an I DO, an exhibit of our true love. We weren't meant to be the perfect couple. But we are.

~ Kai Alexander Means

Superhuman

Sometimes I watch your head rise with the cadence of my chest,
The subtle racing of my breath from nervousness, baby you still make me
Nervous with excitement and contentment to have someone like you
To wake up in a suspended state of imagination with, watching your skin
Stretch with every inhale, inked canvas warm under the touch of my freezing
Fingertip, shutters escape your mind, love electrifies your body, my sense of touch
Has never seemed so needing. Gentle strokes to feel your delicate exterior, exhale the
Worry into the air, grab my hand and put it to your chest, an aching in your breast
To have and feel and want to be needed, you know sometimes I look up to the sky,
Shedding tears and showcasing a smile, pointing to The Man who brought me to you,
On the path filled with dents, obstacles, sticks and stones never broke your bones,
But they fractured your spirit, not looking ahead, but looking down, I ran into you
Coming from the other side, bloody, battered and bruised, you washed my body,
Soothed my wounds and patched my heart, your smile so assuring, I knew I had
To repay the favor if given the chance. I know you're tired, drained until happiness
Runs dry, I'll dry your tears because you dried mine, I'll never forget what you did
For me, so I ask you to relax in my arms and give me the chance to show you that
You are worth more than your environment defines you as, a diamond so
Rare that only the one who comes around just as the light reflects off your brilliance
Will be able to see you under the dirt, dust you off and marvel at his priceless luck.
We sit together in a world we built forever under the sun, rays light up your beauty
Like a fiery explosion of love, you burn me with intensity, third degree, intensely warm
To me, I marvel at the perfection that is you, I'm still finding your pieces and gluing
Them back on, my mission in life to repay you for sparing my own, you could've flown
Away, but you stayed, why? All I ever want to do in life is to do for you what you did for
Me, I want to be the one to help wash your sorrows, the one who you can hold on to
When your nightmares plague your life, there may be no end in sight, but we go into
War hand in hand hoping to kill these demons together, love is stronger than evil
And so we are stronger as one than we are alone,
I am proof that your love can fix a human being, trust me, I won't let go of your hand,
Grab ahold and lay down your problems for us to work out one by one, then lay your body against
Mine when the job is done. My love for you is inextinguishable like a fire that refuses to die,
I want you to be mine. I want to be the one to make you happy when all is said and done,
You are the one, I want to comfort you at night, stare into your eyes with admiration,
I will never forget that I am the product of love from a Superhuman.

~ Kai Alexander Means

Innocent

Okay Mr. Officer, I'll explain it to you.
                          ~
I grew up on the Southside, mouth wide open
To the wind as I sat back to enjoy the ride.
I wanted to be just like him. Music so loud I can't
Hear myself think, myself think, myself, shrink the
Words to distant melodies as nonsensical head bobbing
Was encouraged from The Man. After all, I am partly his.
                           ~
I simply knocked on the door to ask if I could use her phone.
                           ~
I inherited him. I started walking like him, the calm strut that let
You know I may lean, but I won't fall. I started talking like him,
My accent drove the girls crazy. I guess it all comes with the territory.
I started seeing like him, through square-rimmed glasses my world
Seemed somehow bigger than before. I was his child through and through.
Some things were better left unsaid, unread, locked up, not felt.
                          ~
You see, mine had died, I needed to call the company. So she let me in.
                          ~
I inherited him. I started thinking like him, so many things running through
My head yet so many voices to crowd my being. I started acting like him,
Holding my hands over my ears so that somehow they'll stop. They never stopped.
I started feeling like him, the cold steel felt so weighted in my hand, a solid
Object I controlled, so many pieces put together into one. Less. One less
Person in this twisted world. I saved them with this, until I started tasting like him.
                          ~
She was leading me to the kitchen, such a nice lady, and she slipped.
                         ~
I've never tasted anything so delicious. The smell was of fresh renewal
That kept my heart racing, sweat dripping off my skin, collecting in my hair
As I flip my head back in animal instinct, a roar from deep inside me followed
By one smile that been described as evil. The sharp point on my best friend
Tempts me to lick up its side, human behavior meets animal thirst for this sweet
Red nectar filled with life. It's the only thing that would shut them up.
                         ~
It just fell on her, that's all. It was an accident. I'm innocent.

~ Kai Alexander Means

High Again

I have a problem with loving in the time before me
Like a little kid falling in love with a teddy bear given
Specially, especially to place near their heart to keep out the
Nightmares from the closet of irreversible mistakes, monsters
Are created within one's mind like the sudden urge
Of an addict to get his fix, fixated on the high you feel for
One moment, cravings scratching at the back of
Your neck so you try to calm the itch by clawing
At your skin, I need more just to stay alive.
You are my dealer, love is my drug but addiction
Wasn't intentional, thinking love was medicinal,
The perfect high like cocaine to a profissional, professional
Choices tell me I've chosen the right drug to become
Addicted to, the rest aren't dangerous enough.
One hour and I'm back like a pusher of crack, bag it up
For me, the short walk home is an eternity, I need this
Chemical in my veins, withdrawal is inevitable but
The feeling is incredible, I throw it in the air so it soaks
Into my lungs, carried like oxygen in hemoglobin directly
To my heart, I call it hemolovin. This isn't a gateway,
This is the real deal, dealing tokens to earn enough
Money to get my fix, you see me struggling so you calm
My urges with a kiss. I don't dare go to anyone else
To get my product, love is created not mixed,
It hits you hard to make sure you're down,
The blow to your mind to make sure you remember
What it felt like. You are my life saver, dishing out
Love to me like lifesavers. I can never get enough,
Your supply is endless but currency isn't.
You supply what I demand to stay alive, maybe
Just maybe it's my time to learn the tricks of the trade.
Maybe, soon enough, I can be your dealer.

~ Kai Alexander Means

Contemplation

I've never been a strong person, but I have been weaker.

This life I lead has never been harder to control,
I'm strong for those who need me but are too
Damn self-centered to be my Peter Parker when
I'm just simply Mary Jane, purple raindrops fall on my head
Like the storm that hit my lobe, I stay strong but who the hell
Knows for how much longer I can deal with a simple thing.
Words are my enemy. Say one wrong thing and you
Are no longer a friend to me. I don't have the strength.
I'm not as resilient as most think I am, just because I can
Put on a smile does not mean I'm not going through something
Bad enough to bring a grown man to his knees, praying that
I survive the endless attacks thrown at my conscious,
I have too much time to think of what I could have been,
What I could be, who I should love but don't, My smile, smile,
Smile f-f-fades and t-t-tears run down my dry cheeks,
Whoever said a grown man doesn't cry hasn't met me,
Maybe I need help. Why do I feel this way when I could have sworn
That the other day life was just peachy. I am my own worst enemy,
I play victim to my mind, slave to the thoughts that give twenty lashes
To my ego, and we know, no, I know, no, we know, who's we though,
I can't stop being the puppet with my brain being puppet master,
Pulling at my soul with those damn strings, lifting me up,
And for one minute I'm weightless until life decides to bring
Me down to crash through the floor because you're done playing with me.
If I'm not depressed, then what the hell am I? I'm human.
One sensitive being who just wants to be loved as much as he loves,
Thought of as much as he thinks, believed in as much as
He believes, when was that ever too much to ask?
Maybe people only bring me down, a loner in my own right,
But Dr. Fucking Phil in your eye's sight, I'm tired of solving your problems,
Mine have yet to be completed. A lifetime of not having anyone to talk to,
To trust, to love, to care, so now I don't talk, I can't trust,
I hate love, I just really can't care.

But, that's just contemplation,
Severity of my mind's creation,
I'm better than that. I'm better
Than this, I know, yes, I know,
I know who I am, confidence
In who I will be keeps me hitting
Your damn attacks out of the park,
Playing murderer to these bad thoughts,
I'm a cerebral killer. You won't catch me,
I slip through life like The Ripper, I rip
Negativity apart, I am your worst nightmare.
It's okay not to be strong sometimes.
I may not be the strongest right now,
But I will be once again. Didn't your mother
Ever tell you not to play with fire?
I guess warnings can't be placed on me.
I'm gone now, but when I return, oh yes,
When I return, I'm coming with blows
Aimed at your head, no, my head,
Stronger than ever.

~ Kai Alexander Means

2 AM

Have you ever tracked your thoughts at 2 AM?
Thinking patterns turn to patterns of nothingness,
Mind twisted into nothing less than convoluted matter of
Emotions like oceans that flow through your body like potions and
Pill popping, popping seals on bottles, topping the evolution of love with
A cherry kiss, I wonder if she thinks of me at 2 AM, wait, cherry kiss like
Cherry lip gloss she leaves on my lips with every taste of her love, biting
My bottom lip between two rows of white teeth, seductive smiles fill seductive
Thoughts but love never disappears, where's the soda in this refrigerator, why
Is there never anything to eat at 2 AM, but the only drug I'm on is love,
Higher than the monkey that climbs the trees to look down upon me,
The tree this monkey never lets go of, protection is under the leaves of my brain
Racked with thoughts of what we could be, when life could be, should be pretty
Easy to find a bowl in the darkness, man cereal sounds good this late, cocoa puffs and
Pink lips, I still wonder if I assault her mind, fill her emotional responses with the
Thought of I, maybe I am what she needs because she is certainly what I need at 2 AM like a
Bad dose of 250 mg of sleep that course through my veins at this time, when life isn't so damn
Complicated, I close my eyes in order to open my mind to the beauty of the Inevitability of life,
Love and the pursuit of well needed rest, her scent fills my nostrils, what is love and why am I
Experiencing it, but complaints are only for things you don't enjoy, and as I slowly drift off
Beside her, arms filled with the heartbeat of the body laying on me, it might just be an animal
Taking her place near my heart, the same place where this woman loves to rest her head and listen
To my heart beat sporadically, deep breaths, deep breaths, deep sleep. 2 AM is for the lovers
In life with lust on a knife cutting through air, racing thoughts of absolute random picks in the
NFL draft, I think I've gone crazy deprived of sleep, 2 AM is for the thinkers, the poets,
This love, with love, sleep is,
Simplicity.

If Kisses Were Cures

Have you ever wondered, what if love was enough?
What if kisses were cures to all the aches and pains?
The soft press of my lips against your skin
To soothe the burns of life. If kisses were cures, the only
Antidote needed would be passion, love flowing from
The gentle impact to your shoulder, shocking your arm like electricity
As I move to your neck, the aches of the world disappear to the
Touch, my touch, touch of love, touch of forever's medicine.
What if hugs were the answer to all problems in life?
A simple embrace to erase the stress dealt to you.
The wrap of my arms around your body, the simple exhale into my
Chest, your way of saying you're perfectly content with how one
Warm caress can solve the puzzle of your existence. If every
Clutch untangles another knot in your being, I will hold you internally
For eternity, intentionally conventional in every squeeze of our love.
What if love could be the beginning and the end?
If one emotion can conquer the world, the superhero to save you
From every car crash in life, the one behind the mask in
Your intricate cinema, to save you from every peril you face,
Just when you're about to give up, I give a hand, a hug,
A kiss, a few words to let you know that you're future will
Somehow be better than your past, not because I'm in it,
But because I'm never leaving. When love becomes set in stone,
Neither life nor a simple fight can remove it.
With love, we can bring the end to the war raining on us by a simple
Holding of hands, love is the song for us two to dance, we can
Only go so far alone, but together, we can defeat life.
With love, anything and everything is possible.
If only kisses were cures.

~Kai Alexander Means

19

0. I wonder if my mother ever stared at her belly
Awaiting the surprise that was me inside. Did
My sister ever feel me kick for the first time in
Many sibling fights?
1. Milestones were reached within 12 months
Of existence, existential beliefs hang over my
Head for what is supposed to be my future,
Yet to be reached.
2. Another one on the way, I can't wait
To be the big brother I know I can be.
Will she like me?
3. Well, she's here.
4. Lifestyles of the small and energetic,
Be on my team as we search for others
Passionately hidden in trees, seeking
Acceptance in hidden treasures.
5.The entrance into the rest of my life,
Backpack weighs my small frame down,
I'm in the middle of nowhere. I have no one.
6. Friends come and go, but my box of crayons
Stays the same.
7. The day that shook America to its core would
Soon turn my whole life upside down. Why didn't
They warn me? Why don't they care?
8. The collision between a child's preoccupied
Mind and the real world called Struggles hit me
In the face like a ball flying off the rim at just the
Right angle. I need to lay down.
9.
10. .
11. Something is happening with my body. What is
This weird feeling? And why is it happening to me?
12. I'm finally at the end of the road... next is the highway.
Oh, and life is slapping me in the face. Hard.
Why must we hate each other? Question of the year.
13. Financial problems cause familial rifts, rips in the
Never perfect leather. Cracks in my ruined mind.
Life is taking me on a ride.
14. I'm ready to get off, but I can't. Should I jump?
Head pounding, why do I only hear verbal stabs at
My eardrums, the corruption of minds, mine blown to
Pieces, I can't stand the loneliness. What's the point
Of family if hate has overpowered the love?
15. If only you knew the truth behind the smile I fix
Onto my face when I get dressed in the morning, the pain
And proverbial hate that fills my thoughts. Walk a mile in my
Bloodied, ripped  shoes and you will see that all that glitters
Is just a front, open the door to see the reality.
16. I never did live the rich life, so I don't know what
It's like to have everything you want. My questions
 As to "why us" goes unanswered. Has for 9 years.
But I have discovered the paradox of happiness: Don't live
In the shadows, create your own light.
17. It's about time to merge onto the freeway of life. It's time to forget
The past...or forgive? Remember, you are the master of your own destiny.
No one but God can judge you. Kai means King Am I.
18. It's all over, time to take the exit. So long, you will never
Be able to catch up to me. Except when life crashes me.
One step forward, I never take steps backwards, but I've
Been in the same damn place for awhile now. When will I finally move?
19. I took my first step forward in awhile.

~ Kai Alexander Means

Alphabet Thoughts

Affluent aspirations affect all around allowing the
Burning bridges of beyond beneath bellowing bosoms
Causing chaos collectively creating catastrophes collaboratively
Dying, diving down deep during Drake's download,
Explicit exclusivity only experts extend English
Freudian followers fasting on fast food for
Gross garbage gargling gravel grabbing in
Hell, hell hath handfuls of hair hidden
Inside intimate interpretations of inoculation, inconsistent
Jeffrey jacks Jordan's jewelry, Jesus just
Kindly kinged Kai's kangaroo, Kendrick
Listed love as lyrical livid lust longs for
Meaning, meaning men must meet the Man by midnight,
Neither North nor near Neverland, never
Oppressing opposites of ostentatious oblivion, obviously
Practicing promiscuity on Peter's penis, probably
Queen's quarters quenching quiet quilting, quite
Restlessly, rebellions reach right up Ron's releasing of
Stupidity started staring straight, sermons stopped
Towards thrusting in trivial throats, tasks ticking
Upwards under unreleased underwear, until unusual
Virgins venture vascular vaginal birth, Vermont's
Women won't wake, wanting word's wrongdoings Westward,
Xeroxed Xanax over Xanthan Xylophones, Malcom, last name X,
Youth forever young, New York yearly yearnings near yesterday's
Zero ground, zippers zapping zigzagging zombified zebras.

What?

~ Kai Alexander Means

Colors of Diversity

Colors. Colors of the spectrum,
Colors of love, colors of life,
Colors of pain, colors of melanin,
Colors of pain, but they never could
Color my pain.

They say beauty is more than skin deep,
Skin deep, skin cracked, washed in blood,
Deep reds turned black. I never wanted to
Be a skin tone. I had dreams of being ME,
Until ME became WE, and WE became THEM,
And THEM became US. Since Day Zero
I was destined for this life, They picked on me,
And I picked back, it doesn't make a difference if
You're white or pitch black. They use words like batons,
Beat us like Rodney King, black and blue, black and blue,
Black... but still not the color they want us to be.
"Can't we all just get along?"

Since when was equality just a struggle for brown skin?
With my brown skin, I should only strive for
Hoop dreams or the state pen. But this is not my fight.
We work together, dark black and bleach white.
Diversity's adversity affects us all, the bullet strategically placed
In the cocked barrel, society's hand placed against cold steel,
Finger ready to retract the trigger, eyes staring down the
Middle of the hollow tube. We watch many fall to their knees,
Bullets piercing their silhouette, we have lost another.
Who will be next? When perfection is our oppressor, no one
Survives. Survival of the fittest, fitted from society, wicked,
Together we stand, side by side, to bear witness.
This is the fight for all skins, all sins, Brothers and sisters with
Gay twins. The bar for society has been set so low, we crush
Under the weight of it. I can't breathe, get me out, we can't breathe.
Not a single man with the strength of Atlas can lift it himself.
So we all help. Society tries to push us to our knees,
But yet we still stand. This is our reality, reality tragically placed,
One we can change, but it's never erased. Until we all can stand
Together, who can make the change?

Colors. Colors of the spectrum,
Colors of life, colors of unity,
Colors of diversity, no color of skin,
Colors of diversity, but they can't put
A color to diversity.

~Kai Alexander Means

Girl[Friend]

"We're just friends."
Three words that can complicate meaning,
Meaning life isn't so simple after all, after Fall,
Thoughts rushing, where's the Adderall?
One thing turns to another, another headache,
Another mistake, another smile, another text message.
And another smile, for a different reason than before,
Normal breathing turns to sighs of relief, sighs and
Disbelief, signs of life, signs that maybe someone was
Thinking of you more than you were thinking of them.
"We're just friends."
Seeing her face, hearing her voice, she's changed, I've
Changed with time, changed with experience, changes
Shape the way we speak, and suddenly it's a brand new
Beginning. Windows down, music in the background, her
Story in the forefront, I'm happy to be along for the ride.
The look she gives me shows that everything is alright in the
World, despite how bad society makes it. I can't, I won't let
Anything get in the way of these temporary forevers we share,
Forever doesn't mean forever anymore. I can listen to her words,
Look deep into her eyes, past her beautiful smile, and see, no feel
That maybe, just maybe, being with me at this moment in time is what
She needed. Trust never broken by the words she has spoken, poetic
Justice has never seemed so poetic before. Comfortable curiosities
Settled by subtle synchronicity in the relaxation of the moment we share.
"We're just friends."
We share laughs that only people who don't see a problem with being
In each other's company can, comfortably can, accompanying smiles
At the stupidity that is one another. Comments cater to her inner being,
Advice infects her mind, affecting thoughts, protecting her from herself.
There's that look again. That laugh along with a smile that tells me that
She's comfortable with herself, comfortable with being here with me.
Subliminal messages report pinnacle essences of content. We share a hug,
A physical closing to a happy imposing of what it's like to be loved without
Being in love. And at the end of the night, the absence of light, you can say,
With a smile placed in the etching of your face, with confidence in your words,
"We're just friends."

~ Kai Alexander Means

Never Broken

One can be broken, but never fall to pieces,
Dust falling to Earth, people falling to their knees,
I never expected to see this in my life. Why am I
The only one standing on two feet while they kneel
On two stones, they've been broken, I've been broken
But I don't let myself fall, falling to Earth, falling through tears
In the surface of who you once were, I've accepted my fate
As the man I will be, no matter the man you expect. No one
Ever told me that friendship could be so lonely, loneliness so
Silent, I hear myself breathing, thinking, I hear a voice in my head
Asking, "What's wrong with you?" You never were a person's man,
Lonely has never been this lonely. Split in two, split in two, split into
Pieces, held together by strings, bound by words, stitched by love,
And topped with a smile. Lonely has never been so devastating.
Earth rocking, buildings breaking, my mind's the aftermath of a
7.3, rattling my consciousness to the bone, a bomb waiting to explode,
Implode, intrude, invade my very being to my core. I am no longer human.
But loneliness never had to be lonely. State of being, state of matter, matter of
Fact, I state my being every damn day I wake up. I'm not broken, just cracked.
Cracks in the wall, cracks filling with water, cracks in the perfection of
Society. One can be broken, but never fall to pieces, I never fell to pieces,
I never was broken, cracked, but never broken into something impossible to fix.
So I stand. I never expected to see this in my life, dust falling to Earth, people
Falling to their knees. I remain the only one standing on two feet, smile on my face,
Hand held high, balled into a fist, leaving a single finger protruding in the middle as
If to say, "You will never break me."

~ Kai Alexander Means

No Feelings, Just Actions

Tonight may be the night that I meet my love,

If love was defined by the passion of two writhing

Bodies. The blood coursing through my veins,

It's my ibuprofen, just enough to ease the pains.

She looks particularly good tonight, she's trying

To impress the unimpressionable, no feelings, 

Just actions. We get to my place, a place with

Loving thoughts so rare, I rarely leave much to

The imagination when I begin to remove her dress,

Kiss her lips, touch her breasts, she stands on the tips

Of her toes. From the bed, the floor, the couch, against the

Door, who knows where we will end up this time.

No feelings, just actions. The barrier of motherhood is

In place, I'm at the line, ready to run this race I've began

A million times before. The gun sounds, I start strong.

Gasp, tongue in her throat, these feelings, the things she'll

Provoke. Arched, I'm sure her back broke, my mouth dry, 

I think I might choke. Something was different from the first

Moment she spoke, This feeling surrounds me, a cloud of black

Smoke. Moans, cries, hums, I can't go on...pause...deep stroke.

It's over as soon as it began. I utter the words, "I'm sorry." I never

Deserved her, she never deserved to be physically used. She looks

Puzzled, worried as I slowly get up, hand her the clothes I so diligently 

Removed, "Is it something I did?" I lay next to her, the look in her eyes

Is terrible, she's terrified. "No, it's not something you did... It's something

You said." Maybe I shouldn't ignore this anymore. No actions, just feelings.

She still looks terrified. Her breathing quickens, tears in her eyes, I hold her 

Hand, kiss her forehead. It's time for a new beginning. "It was when you said hi."

~ Kai Alexander Means

No Man's Land

Going into the war was a fun experience.
With my buddies by my side, I was ready,
Ready for a life of heroism and manliness.
They told me I would be America's man,
But they never told me America's man might
Not make it home being the man he left as.

War-ridden land filled war-ridden thoughts.
Germanic depression beat lower by French
Aggression, syncopation of attacks raining down
On the heads of America's men, until America's men
Rained down onto land. And a soldier wouldn't dare
Cross the land where no man lives, death wishes
Follow dead wishes of return to the place you were born.

At least I had my buddies with me, until my buddies
Disappeared one by one, I had no one left to comfort
Me but my gun. Inhaling life through a gas mask, the
Chemicals burn my eyes like burning wood, burning flesh,
Burning souls, my burning soul telling me I made the wrong
Decision and I'll be lucky to make it out alive. Or with both legs.

They carried me away on a stretcher as a looked at the rouge area
Where an appendage used to be, they might as well should have killed
Me. Emaciated, barely breathing, the look on my life riding in the back
Of a truck I could never drive again, a stretcher not a body bag keeps
Me from certain death. With a part of me gone in the blast, I feel lifeless,
As if I deserve to be in the wooden box by my bed. "R.I.P," tell me what
Is peaceful about this? No rest for the living that's guaranteed for the dead,
I place a pillow over my head, a way of giving myself to the box given to me.
But they stop me, and the suffering continues. Will it ever end?

And so I return home. America's man has returned home, one less limb,
But still all there, or so they think. No one can erase the memories, cure
The nightmares, quiet the screams, replace the things I've lost. No one.
They didn't tell me about coming home, they didn't tell me I'd feel alone.
They didn't tell me I'd see my friends who I was sure died in front of me,
And as my eyes focus on this image I can't believe I see, I see, I see
Something missing. They come in the form of my buddies, we share a laugh
Like we used to, until they see... I see that they never made it out in one piece.
I saw them die. I'm not crazy. I'm not crazy. I'm stuck. I'm stuck in No Man's Land.

~ Kai Alexander Means

Just Because

Here I am, sitting with this girl.

We sit side-by-side, she tells me

Her story, I tell her my life...

I steal glances at her when she's not

Looking. I've never seen... and the way 

She tilts her head, looking out the window

At the darkness that has filled the room, the

Only light left to fill the void is in her rare smile. 

I can't ease her pain, but it doesn't stop me

From giving my all into listening to what she

Has to say. I grab her hand, a way to ease the tension

She feels inside, the way she looks at me with those 

Beautiful eyes, her body ticking like clocks, I don't

Want to mess up the rhythm inside her when her words

Spill out like a song. She catches her breath like she caught

My eye the first time I saw her. The moment she breaks 

Down, I break my stare, wrap my arms around her, I am

The shield that blocks the pain. Dried tears make way for a

Beautiful smile, a smile once rare, filling the dark room with

Abundant light. And now, here I am, sitting with this girl.

We sit side-by-side, she tells me her story, I tell her my life

Hasn't been the same since we became friends. I steal glances

At her when she's not looking. I've never seen someone who was

So beautiful when they cry. And the way she tilts her head...

And I give her a kiss on the forehead, for no other reason than...

"Just Because."

~ Kai Alexander Means

Grow Up: The Life of a Man

On the day I was born, I had to be the realest
Baby breathing at the time. #Winning.
My first birthday was the first celebration of
The most successful one year old ever. One Year down, 99 to go.
By age five, I knew things that a normal kid Should know. 

I knew my alphabet, my Numbers, how to play Red Rover, and what a television was. 

Oh, and did I mention that if "you show me yours, I'll show you mine,"?
Age ten, I had energy galore, sports had to be the best thing ever invented since Hey Arnold.

 I hate girls, they're nasty. I like boys, They're cool. School? I don't need to learn 

Because I'm going to be the best football Player ever.

And den @g3 12, wh3n 3v3ry1 t@lkd 1ik3 di$, I dink 1 1ik3 di$. @nD 1 h@ve @ fr13nD wh0 1$ @ g1rL, @nD I 1ik3 h3R.

At age 15, I learned the real magic behind my penis. 

Age 16, I know I'm the best. I have a new girl every two days, I f**k them, then leave them. I don't have time. Call me the Professional Heartbreaker.
18, I made it. I never thought I would, since I Said I was dropping out every five seconds. 

I Think I want to try this college thing out. I Heard this college place has cute girls.
Then 21, I pop my first legal beer can open, But not my first beer. I'm finally grown, I can
Do what I want, even though my parents still
Pay my tuition, it's not my money so I don't Care. Oh, and I'm not taking care of that baby 

You say is mine, you're a hoe anyways.

 
22, now I have to actually find a job.

24, I think I love her. It's been three years, none of these other girls f**k me as good as 

Her, and she makes good sandwiches. I Guess I need to propose, but I'll worry about that later, 

Right now I need to go meet this hoe at the motel.

 
25, happy 1/4 century birthday to me. I now Have a boring job and a new wife. Great.
This marriage thing is boring, I miss the hoes.

30, I never knew I could love something this Much. My kids, they are amazing. They're lucky 

Daddy makes a lot of money. Oh, and I need to toughen my son up, I want him to be just like me.
40, I'm angry. No one breaks my daughter's heart and lives, it was okay when I did it to 

Girls, but this is my daughter...

50. Great, I'm halfway dead. My kids are grown, my marriage is on the rocks. Maybe I Messed up.

 Maybe I shouldn't have cheated Three times. I'm not sorry about it, I'm just sorry I got caught. 

But I love my wife.
My son is an even better man than I ever was. I'm proud of him. My daughter married

 A man just like me, what a shame, that's a huge mistake. And as I sit here smoking one 

Of those sticks that end up giving me cancer in two years that leads to my being dead at 64, 

I think... Maybe it's time to grow up.

~ Kai Alexander Means